I'm heading for a time of quiet,
When my restlessness is passed.
And I can lie down on my blanket
And release my fists at last.
When I can't sleep, I listen to Quiet by Paul Simon. It always calms me down, reminds me to let go of my stress and restlessness. Recently, as I lay awake in the dark listening to this soothing song, I was struck by a few of the lyrics I had never paid much attention to before:
And when they say
That you're not good enough
Well, the answer is
You're not.
But who are they
And what is this
That eats at what you've got?
Paul, you've got something there. I suppose a big part of becoming an adult is realizing, when they say you're not good enough, the answer is: you're not. We go through our lives being told "You can be anything you want." We are always told of our boundless potential. But, in the real world, there are boundaries that we may not cross. It doesn't have to be based in reality. You might be the best actor who has ever lived, but if you don't fit Hollywood's mold, you're just not good enough. We march into the world, and it promptly tells us just how wrong we have been for assuming boundless potential. "There are boundaries," it sneers, "that you just can't cross."
And we listen. This is what Paul opened my eyes to. We listen. My professor tells me I'm not suited for scholarship, or my band mates tell me I'm not cut out to be a musician, the publisher turns down my book, the newspaper refuses my photos, I just can't seem to pass this one exam, I can't dance. But who are they to say? And what is this, what is this that eats at what we've got? Why does it matter that I am not good enough for some people? It matters because I believe it matters. If my standards are set by the world, and then I fall short, then I will never release my fists. I will always be fighting against the simple truth: I'm not good enough.
But it isn't true, doesn't have to bring me down! Who cares if Hollywood doesn't want me? Who cares if I can't make it in politics? Who cares if the world never sees me as I truly am? We are social creatures, and we must function in society, but if we let our own self-worth be determined by the standards of others, we will always fail.
Who are they? And what is this, that eats at what you've got?
I'm heading for a time of solitude
Of peace without illusions.
Where the perfect circle marries all
Beginnings and conclusions.
2 comments:
Well, I am with you. This not good enough from others should not matter. We should accept it and quit seeing everything through a lens of good and bad. I think it is more about the fit. And one thing we can definitely say, if we look at the biographies of people before us, is that there is just no telling what will come next, what skill will be needed, what mold be broken. In the words of genius Randall Monroe: Fuck That Shit! (http://xkcd.com/137)
:) Be happy
This is one of my biggest challenges. I am very defined by the world around me. I live within the structure. The space I fill is one I have been cut to measure. my roles were there before I was. The expectations of me by others are consistently shown to me. And one way or another I know the reality of who I am is not these roles, these functions, these expectations placed on me. they are as much me as the clothes I put on and take off. But under the constant claims of all around me saying "you are..."
the temptation to believe them is great. Am I really that which day in and day out you say I am? well, I must be. why then would you insist so?
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